Wednesday, February 25.

hi. i know i haven't blogged in a week or so.. maybe because i've been tired and alot has been on my mind. although there isn't much but its been in my head for quite sometime. and i think i just want to write it out again. so bare with me =]

ah... ive been talking to my best friend lately, the one i havent spoken for a while now, lets name them... nutty, hahaha. and it's been really strange talking them because all they would talk about would be about... ahh cashew haha! and know about how cashew loves nutty. well almost loves them, but is at the stage of only liking them. so although i haven't spoken to nutty for almost a month now, it just seems weird and strange that they keep talking to me about cashew, like everything nutty would say it would involve cashew. and i dont know... i dont know if nutty has found out that cashew has a crush on nutty, or nutty is simply liking cashew. i honestly dont like the fact cashew is crushing on nutty. and i dont like how nutty keeps talking about cashew hahaa.
i know im werid. but it feels like me and nutty are starting to distant from each other. like there's nothing really i have to say to them, and nutty has nothing really to say to me. but im scared of loosing nutty as my friend.

my other best friend... almond haha, um... they told me to be happy and be there for them if they were to be together, nutty and cashew. when almond told me that. i was pretty angry. i understand you can't prevent it from happening. but almond has suck by my side with this whole disagreement. i dont understand why he would say that. the only reason why i dont uphold this, is because the moment they are together, i must walk away. i can't be there and i cant be by nutty's side. it's happen to me more than once. and it does happen that way. there's no way to prevent it from happening. cashew may say its fine... but deep down i know how they are feeling. jealousy - its written all over them. but almond even told, nutty that he thought cashew and nutty were cute together. but i still want to prevent it form hapening. i cant face the fact that nutty and cashew may end up together. im scared of that day from happening.

nutty think they are just friends.. but i would like to question nutty, do you really think you are just friends? simply just friends? i want to know. all that is on my mind is, if nutty really does cashew. if that day comes, to become a yes, i think thats the day i back away and step away from everything. i honestly, dont mind nutty having a partner or someone they liked. but i dont want nutty to like some one from this strange stupid group of ours. i want nutty to find someone decent enough to become nutty's partner. not someone like cashew. they are too complicated and confusing and have too much/many problems with their lives that seem to be unsolvable. nutty doesnt deserve that.

most of all... i miss nutty alot. nutty's my best friend, we've been friends since yr 9.. soo its been about 5 years almost. so nutty means alot to me. i rely on nutty alot. they always have my back when im in the most terriblest situation, or when im over the moon. nutty's always there for me no matter what happens. and i truly love nutty for that. for all the things they have done for me. listen to me bitch, whine, complain, brag, hahaha the list goes on... im really grateful for nutty. so nutty, i love you very much! and i think thats what cashew likes about nutty too.

i think that's all i had to say. so yea... on friday there will be a proper post =] im going to the beach again! i can't wait hehehe. anyways toodles!!! LOVing'yoU

{ 11:39 pm }